ALZHEIMERS OR PLAIN OLD FORGETFULNESS?

Well it's Christmas evening and things are winding down as we all sit back with that sleepy feeling only turkey can give you. As I sat around last night with my three children and talked and laughed we decided to open our gifts instead of waiting until morning. At this age, the boys would much rather gain a few hours extra sleep in the morning and we were all in the mood for gift exchanging. As I said in my last blog, although finances were tight we still managed to get little gifts for each other either handmade or store bought.
The children had a good laugh (at mom's expense) :) as they each opened a small gift from me and realized I had put the wrong names on each of their gifts, mixing them up somewhat.
They shook their heads and said jokingly "Mom, we worry about you. Is the Alzheimer's setting in????"
Hmm...Alzheimers my *((.....lol. I then went on to explain to my children...forgetting which gift is for who is a simple case of a mother being so busy trying to do too many things that I wasn't paying attention. Alzheimer's would be if I forget their names altogether!!! Right?
Another example was when I was driving my son somewhere and went right past the turn without thinking...we've all done that. Again he brought up jokingly the 'A' word. Once again I informed him of the difference between short term memory loss and Alzheimers. If I'd forgotten how to drive the car and not just where I was headed....then that would be a different kettle of fish.
In these busy hectic days we are under a lot of stress and constantly trying to multi-task that we all at times experience temporary forgetfullness.
Ah...but payback is a 'B*(CH' I told my 25 year old daughter as she laughingly informed me one day after returning from work that she had gotten dressed for work only to discover once she got there she had forgotten to put on her bra!!!! Well, at least she remembered what a bra was for.
Ah....do I see signs of Alzheimer's creeping up daughter???? :)

CHRISTMAS - IT'S MORE THAN GIFTS

Well the Christmas holidays are fast approaching and once again this year I find myself unable to purchase gifts for my children due to low finances. At this moment I have all three of my children spending the holidays here with me and while I would have loved to have had gifts and lots of munchies on hand I am happy that they truly understand and are not bothered by it. After all, they aren't young children anymore but young adults of 20, 22 and 25. They too find themselves a wee bit short this holiday season and now realize the stress of trying to buy gifts when the money isn't there. It is hard enough for them to manage day to day expenses in these difficult economic times for our youth.
However, that has not stopped us from gathering together for a week in our small 2 bedroom apartment and enjoying each others company. Sitting around with the three of them earlier this evening and talking and laughing was like a gift in itself. It is not easy to get all three together at the same time with work and college occupying most of their time so I am really grateful for the time we do have together.
Funny to listen to these three young adults joke around and tease each other and seem to genuinely enjoy each others company. It doesn't seem long ago that they were arguing and fighting over silly things like..."She's sitting too close to me!" "He ate the last bowl of cereal!!" :) I use to wonder at what age do siblings become friends? It makes me happy to see that obviously I did something right in raising these three as they seem like such 'normal, well adjusted' young adults.
So we are making our plans for Christmas, turkey for sure, and just enjoying each others company. Who knows when we will all be together again? Hopefully we have created a strong enough bond that we will continue to try and spend time together despite our busy hectic lives.
** Don't tell them but I did manage to make them a few gifts, just like Santa. But even without them, we know the true meaning of Christmas is being with our loved ones and being thankful we are all healthy and happy and still together...not the number of gifts under the tree.

CHILDREN GET BIGGER, BUT SO DO THE WORRIES

It's been awhile since I've posted on this blog. I admit I've been extremely busy with my artwork and keeping up my blog The Functional Artist, but also I've been so darn busy just being a parent.
I remember my mother saying to me, "The children get bigger but so do the worries." Oh, how right she was. No longer do I worry about them running out into the street in traffic or whether or not they'll be warm enough without their jacket. Now I worry that one is wearing herself out running between two jobs to meet expenses. I worry that with today's economy they will never experience the secure life style we were so fortunate to have. Yes Mom, the worries do get bigger. Does the worry ever end?
Being a parent/mother is a life time commitment that doesn't end when they walk out the door. I loved and appreciated my mother, however, I don't think I truly understand how much she gave up for us until I had children of my own.
So to all you people out there that are still fortunate enough to have your mother's in your life...go give them a big kiss and hug and thank them for being there.

WHOSE BIRTHDAY IS IT ANYWAY???

I am really excited to be going to visit my youngest son tomorrow at College. It is his 20th birthday tomorrow and I'm happy I'll be able to spend it with him. Wow, 20 years already. I remember twenty years ago tonight I had my husband take me for a drive on the bumpiest roads he could find...:) I was bound and determined I was going to go into labour that night. You see, my best friend was pregnant with her first child, I was with my third, and we were due a few days apart. I got a call earlier that evening that she was in labour and headed to the hospital. Not without me I said!!!! Well, lo and behold if I didn't go into labour later that evening.

It was kind of comical, as they wheeled her into the delivery room they wheeled me into the prep room. We had a chance to say hi and wish each other a safe delivery. As was typical of a first baby her delivery took somewhat longer and we ended up having our boys 2 hrs. apart. Her son was born on September 7th and mine 2 hours later on September 8th delivered by the same doctor. It was fun to share that experience with a close friend and our children grew up as very close friends also.

As I spoke with my son tonight about our upcoming visit tomorrow I asked him, "What are you giving me for your birthday?"

He responded..."What am I giving you? But it's my birthday!!"

"Yes, I realize that son," I replied, "But who was it that went through all the pain, sleeplessness and worry 20 years ago? I think flowers will do nicely. :)"

MOVIES WITH IMPACT

Have you ever watched a movie that seemed to really make an impact on your life or left you with a new insight on something? I can think of a few that for various reasons have impacted me, sometimes just from a line that was uttered. Such an example was Jack Nicholson in "As Good As It Gets". The scene where he says to Helen Hunt, "You make me want to be a better man." I found that line quite profound after some thought, however, it's not the movie I want to talk about in this blog.

This morning I was relaxing watching an old movie, which is something I don't do often enough. It was the classic "To Sir With Love" starring one of my favorite actors Sidney Poitier. I can recall watching that movie when I was younger, in my teens, and I realize now that it had a bigger impact on my life than I was aware of. It is one of those movies that I feel all adults and those working with youth should watch. For those who have never seen it, the movie is based on a young black Teacher that takes a temporary teaching job working in a low income neighbourhood with rebellious teens of the early 60's. Okay, I realize it is fiction and that it isn't quite as easy to convert troubled youth as it appeared to be for Sidney Poitier in the movie. However, the methods he employs are timeless and in my own opinion quite effective even today. Basically, he is showing how one person, taking an active role and sincerely trying to reach out to the youth can make a difference. How showing that he genuinely cares, listening to what they have to say and offering them respect for respect in return, brings about positive results.

From the get go he refuses to interact with them unless they show him proper respect as well as each other and other people they might deal with in their daily lives. He helps them to understand that life is full of dissapointments and unfair people and those are just some of the things they have to learn to deal with using effective people skills. He shows that by working hard how even the most challenged can eventually create a decent life. He shows by example.

To sum it up, these students could tell he was genuine, that he truly cared about them individually and anything he did or said to them was done with their well being in mind.

I think Sidney's character in this movie truly did have an impact on the way I have interacted with youth in my adult life. I wish everyone would sit down and watch this movie and hopefully find it as much a 'good feel' movie as I did.

I would love to hear from some of you what if anything has had an impact on your childrearing methods.

On a lighter side...
Try this with one of your children the next time they complain..."How come he/she is allowed to and I'm not?"......."Because I love them more than you....duh.." Then wait for the shocked expression while you try to contain your laughter. It usually lightened up a situation for me. :)

AND THE AWARD GOES TO....

I am thrilled that I now have the opportunity to spread the award to sites I feel deserve it and here they are. Please pay them a vist.

RICK'S TIME ON EARTH

A MOM'S LIFE

THE FASHIONISTA AND BABY

MONDAY MORNING POWER

I know there are many more excellent blogs out there that I just haven't come across yet...but I know I will.

Take your prize and spread the love. If you have already received this prize from someone else, well then you deserve it multiple times over.

I THINK I'LL STICK WITH IT

An interesting thing happened today when I opened my blog. I received this award.

It was awarded to me from a very uplifting blog 'MONDAY MORNING POWER' and it made me think.

You may have noticed on my blog that I have a Stat Counter. It is becoming common to have them on your blog or website and they are really interesting in that they can tell you how often your blog is visited and what city/state/province they come from, not to mention the site they accessed yours from. In many ways they are interesting as well as helpful. It's nice to know how often your blog is viewed.

I have to admit I was getting somewhat discouraged that this site got very few visitors whereas my art site THE FUNCTIONAL ARTIST was increasing on a daily basis. I had to ask myself some thought provoking questions. Was my topic choice for this blog an unpopular topic? Was my method or style of writing boring? Did I come across as a person who thought they 'new it all' when in fact that is the last image I want to portray. Or was it something as simple as an 'overtalked subject' on the blogs?

Well after a lot of thinking and debating I came to the conclusion that in the big picture, none of that mattered. As long as I have this passion for children and believe in what I'm writing then I should continue on with it. If even one person reads and follows my blog taking with them some confort or reassurance or even amusement, then what more could I ask for?

And now I must go on and spread the award to other very deserving bloggers.

Kids - Gotta love 'em

Found on the internet...anonymous writer.

Out of the mouth of babes...

While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary
school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking
up and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" "Yes," I
answered and continued writing the report. "My mother said if I ever
needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?" "Yes, that's
right," I told her. "Well,then," she said as she extended her foot
toward me, "Will you tie my shoelace?"

INSPIRING WORDS

Be the change you wish to see in the world.-Ghandi

I have always loved quotes and for a few years I have collected my favourites. I find that often they are words that are very thought provoking. I love sayings, expressions, or quotes that make you stop and think. Often you will come across one that really fits your current situation and helps you to see things more clearly in another light. A good example is the one above by Ghandi. We often go on about how we wish things were different in the world such as how children behave these days or their attitudes. Well, if you read this quote what you might take from it is that instead of sitting back and wishing for changes to be made take an active role to make them happen. Instead of criticizing behaviours in others step up and set a good example. Be a role model that others can emulate. Instead of expressing your disgust at a child's lack of respect, be the respectful person you wish them to be and show by setting an example. Treat them with respect and expect it in return. When they speak, listen. Show that you do consider what they have to say worth listening to and respond appropriately. Let them know that they too must give you your chance to speak and listen in return. It's a simple matter of respect. We don't tune out our peers so why should we do that to our youth.

A good example was one day I went into a convenience store for a purchase. When I walked up to the counter there was a young boy ahead of me patiently waiting to pay for his purchase. The store clerk looked right over his head and proceeded to serve me. I quickly commented that the young man was first in line and awaiting his turn. In a bit of a 'sniff' she served the young man first. Here, truly is a good example of lack of respect. What was she teaching him?


Okay, so when Ghandi wrote this quote the intention might have been something more intense such as politics but the words themselves can apply to many of life's situations. So instead of bemoaning the problems in the world, do your part to help bring about change. As I often say, maybe a bit too often...two steps forward, one step back will eventually get you there...

PARENTS ON STRIKE

I came across this amusing photo on the internet and it gave me a laugh because I'm sure all parents have wanted to do this at some point. I know I have!!

Respect and Teens

To this day my children (aged g24, b22, b20) and I maintain close and open relationships. I won't presume to say that they tell me 'everything' that goes on in their lives but enough to have me at times throw my hands over my ears laughing "Too much info!!!"
Keeping an open line of cummincation with them has always been a priority with me. As young teens I told each of my children, "I don't expect you to be perfect. I am aware that at times you might try things, drinking, partying etc. All I ask is that you be smart and responsible and don't do anything that makes you uncomfortable or is harmful that might put you in a dangerous situation. If you ever find yourself in a situation or position, such as being drunk or with someone you are uncomfortable with, please phone me and I will come and get you. I will not lecture you right away or give you a hard time because your safety is more important to me." It didn't mean that I would dismiss the situation and act as though it never happened, but we would sit down after it had passed and discuss it. Believe it or not this worked well throughout their teen years and proved to me anyway that it was the right approach to take with teens.
On two different occasions two of my children and their friends brought home a teen from a party that was suffering from alcohol poisoning. On both of these occasions they were afraid to go home because of how their parents would react. It wasn't that I 'brushed it under the rug' or handled it lightly but they knew that my initial reaction would not be to 'freak' out at them. They were taken to the hospital and I phoned both parents and spoke to them so they had a chance to digest the situation and react initially a bit more calmly. On both occasions the remainder of the teens and I sat up late into the night discussing the dangers of what had happened and how to avoid it in the future.
I must say that I was proud that they had not gotten into that situation and that they had the good sense to look out for their friends. They proved they were true friends.
Again, I'm not saying my children were perfect. Sure they did their share of partying, but so did their mother and father in their youth.
We can't be blind and think that our children will never do those things or be self righteous and act as though we never did them either. At times, we have to remember what it was like to be that age, the things we tried and experienced and what helped us get through it with little or no harm. Then we have to hope and pray that we have laid the groundwork to produce responsible, sensible children that are never afraid to come to us when we are needed the most.

KIDS SAY THE FUNNIEST THINGS :)

When my children were younger we use to do a lot of travelling and camping with them. On one of our trips down south to Santa's Village we checked in and then drove around the campsite looking for our site. My eldest son, then 6, was bouncing around on the back seat.

"Mommy, I have to go to the bathroom really bad!!!" he exclaimed.

We pulled over to the shower/restroom building and he hopped out and took off running to the washroom. Less than a minute later he was back still hopping around. Before I could ask him why he had run straight back he said..."There is a sign in there that says NO BUTTS ON TOILET!!!!"

Like I said, kids sure say the funniest things and laughter truly is the best medicine

.YOU KNOW YOU'RE A MOM WHEN:
You spend a half hour searching for your sunglasses only to have your teenager say, "Mom, why don't you wear the ones you pushed up on your head?"

You are out for a nice romantic meal with your husband, enjoying some real adult conversation, when suddenly you realize that you've reached over and started to cut up his steak! from the website ahajokes.com

OH OH I GOT TAGGED!

I got tagged by mondaymorningpower

8 THINGS ABOUT ME.....

1. I think I have ADD...I always have many things on the go and take forever to complete any of them.

2. The thing I am most passionate about in life is children starting but not ending with my own.

3. I check my horoscope that gets emailed to me faithfully everyday.

4. I am somewhat superstitous and never walk under ladders and throw salt over my shoulder when I spill it. :)

5. I am a real people person and sometimes annoy those with me by talking to complete strangers.

6. I can be very forgetful and absentminded.

7. I am hooked on frozen pizza from Giant Tiger with my own embellishments of hot peppers, bacon, extra cheeze...mmm.mmmm.

8. I really really want a puppy but they are too expensive ;(

TAG RULES:


Each player starts with 8 random facts/habits about themselves.
People who are tagged, write a blog post about their own 8 random things, and post these rules.
At the end of your post you need to tag 5 people and include their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment and tell them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.
If you find out that they have already been tagged, then upon recieveing notification of this, you must find someone else to tag.

I have tagged:

RICK'S TIME ON EARTH
A MOM'S BLOG
SCAVENGER ART
THE FEATHERED NEST
THE DECORATED HOUSE

NO TIME FOR PLAY

I have decided today that I must devote a good portion of my day to my artwork. That may involve turning off my computer and walking away....now that will be hard as I admit I am hooked at times on 'surfing' the net. However, to be fair to myself I do spend a lot of that time researching art and marketing.

I remember when we got our first computer which seems years ago. When my children reached their teens I learned about 'ICQ'....remember that program? My children got so tired of me telling them, "Be careful who you talk to and don't give out any private information...you never know who it might be."

As your kids get into their teen years it is so hard to monitor their activity on the computer and I for one believe in a certain amount of privacy, even for children. As a result I spent a lot of time guiding them and urging caution while still allowing them a certain amount of privacy.

For the most part though, they were mainly chatting with their local friends on MSN. At first it annoyed me and like most parents I would say...pick up the phone and call them. After awhile I realized that it was truly harmless the way they popped on to check what everyone was up to. I realized to them it was like a party line. Fridays, they would hop on and find out what everyone was up to on the weekend and plan outings. It actually really helped one of my children socially as they weren't the type to phone one on one.

Then came the day they introduced Mom to chatting. At first I was leary. Soon it became a useful tool as a lot of my children's friends added me to their list of contacts. It helped me to gain trust with my children and their friends and you wouldn't believe the information that came my way that really helped me down the road. Sometimes if I found one of my children seemed to be moody or withdrawn, one of their friends might fill me in on some incident at school that was bothering them. Of course, they never divulged truly personal information but just enough to help this mother out.

Often if something was bothering one of my children and they didn't feel up to a heart to heart they would confide in me through the internet, in the form of an email. Sometimes it is easier to share a problem when you aren't sitting there face to face. Recently I added myself to Facebook as this seems to be the most popular of sites for young people. It's also a great way to keep track of what your kids are up to!! For example, my youngest son away at college is terrible for keeping in touch with me. He just does not understand the worry parents always carry with them. So if a day goes by and I don't hear from him I pop on Facebook and see that he has been posting to his friends and I breath a sigh of relief that all is well with him and I resist the urge to "hound" him.

So I guess the internet has it's good points and bad. I was fortunate that my children went through the 'teen surfer years' without any serious incidents. As much as I prefer human interaction more I realize that the internet is here to stay and we might as well use it to our benefit.

....and as I started to say in the beginning of this post it is time to walk away from my computer and work on my art. I need to get this painting finished as it has been sitting on the easel far too long.

Better look twice before you sign that next School Excursion form!!!!

We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget that he is someone today. ~Stacia Tauscher

LIFE'S CHALLENGES

We all know the saying, "When life hands you lemons, make lemonade." If you think about it this is really a very good way to view life. I have tried to follow this principle throughout my adult life or actually I have drawn strength from the saying "God doesn't give you more than you can bear." Although not a very religious person I do consider myself spiritual and this has gotten me through many obstacles and rough spots in my life.

When my children were younger, starting with my firstborn at the age of 6 months, they experienced some serious health problems that required a lot of my time and a lot of travelling 6 hrs. to a major center (Hospital for Sick Kids) for treatment and follow up. Needless to say, being a working mother, at times pregnant battling my own health issues with Fibromyalgia and a sleep disorder, it was very exhausting and taxing. I remember a friend of mine going through a health crisis with one of her own and finding herself at her wits end asking me how I found the strength to keep it up and not let it get to me.



My story and advice to her was very simple to my way of thinking. I told her what got me through. "God doesn't give you more than you can bear," I told her. At times I would tell myself if these children had been born to someone else, someone that wasn't strong, maybe a single parent or a mother in an unhappy marriage what would the outcome have been? I rationalized to myself that these children, with their health problems were born to me because I was strong, loved children immensely and was capable of coping. So I had to be strong and I was thankful that I was given the personality or maybe the strength to cope with it all.

These children really needed me and I admit, I love to be needed so it came easy to me to help them through. They grew up into very strong individuals that have great coping skills of their own, never using their health issues or disabilities as a crutch but facing life head on and overcoming their own obstacles as best they can.

Maybe there was a purpose for them to go through the experiences they did and hopefully it will help them in their own lives and they will in turn...Pass it on. Raise children of their own that are strong and independent and able to see through life's obstacles and realize that by believing in themselves and their own abilities..."the only obstacles in life are the ones we put there ourselves."

That last quote is my own :) Do you have any sayings or quotes that help you get through? Would love to hear some of them.
Remember: Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.
Albert Einstein

THE HOUSE CAN KEEP

above: a picture of my children when they were little


Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing. ~Phyllis Diller

When I was a young mother I idolized my older sister and how well she maintained her home. She also had three children a few years older than mine yet her house seemed to always be neat and clean.
"How did she manage it?" I often asked myself. I never seemed to be able to keep on top of things. At that time my children were 2, 4 and 6 years of age. There were always toys scattered around my living room. Beds still unmade late in the afternoon. I remember one time she dropped by to visit me and popped her head into my bedroom and jokingly commented on the fact my bed was still unmade. I know it was meant in jest but it didn't sit well with me.
One day my mother was over visiting with me and I commented on how I felt so inadequate in my housekeeping and wondered why I couldn't keep it up.
My mother's response is something I have kept with me and remember to this day. Whenever I felt inadequate as a housekeeper I would remember my mother's words to me.
She said, "Hen, (a form of Scottish endearment) your house may be untidy but it is clean. You may not spend a lot of your day cleaning but you spend most of it, sitting on the floor playing with your children. That time and attention spent on your children is far more important than any tidy house."
So whenever I looked around at the mess we had made with all the "Little People" houses and zoos spread around the livingroom or the roads and bridges we made for all the Tonka cars, I would remember my mother's words and go back to playing with my children and the make believe villages we created. The house some day will be tidy, when they are older and on their own. I could wait until then and so could my house.

ON A LIGHTER NOTE......

I have to share one of my favourite exchanges with my two sons when they were younger.

My oldest son Kyle was around 8 and he was helping me prepare a stew I was making for dinner. He was at the counter totally engrossed in the preparation of the vegetables when his younger 6 year old brother Corey came by and remarked..."Hah hah Kyle you are doing girls work."

Kyle responded, "Boys need to learn how to cook too." I mentally patted myself on the back feeling good about the fact that my son had actually learned the importance of equality and equal share in work. But my bubble soon burst when I heard Kyle add..."After all, who is going to do the cooking when the mom is sick?"

Not quite the lesson I was trying to teach....:)

Power Tripping

There are some parents that have this need to have control over their children. I'm not talking about control as in what time they go to bed, their curfew etc. I am referring to the need to put it simply..."be the boss". Why do they feel this need to have total control over their children's lives?

Of course as parents, we need to have set rules for our children to follow and we do it for their safety and wellbeing. However, where do we draw the line on doing it for their best interests or doing it because...as some parents say..."because I said so?"

As an example, I knew one mother that wouldn't let her daughter wash her hair every day. Her reasons? Nothing valid I could think of. Was it causing the daughter to be late for school? No. Was it bad for her hair to wash it daily? No again. So the mom's reason? Power and control as I see it. The result was her daughter would go to school early and wash her hair in the girl's washroom. I found that very sad. Sad that the mother felt this need to have this control over her daughter and sad that the daughter had to sneak behind her mother's back to do something almost every girl does. That would be the day I would discourage my teen from good hygiene. When it comes to boys you practically have to throw them in the shower!!

Another example. When the School Board brought into the Kindergarten classroom 'snacks provided' instead of the children having to bring their own snacks daily, I know one mother that disagreed strongly. The reason for the school bringing this into being was to ensure that all children received good nutritious snacks as some parents would send inappropriate sweet snacks and then some kids would come with barely anything. This mother wanted her child to eat what she prepared and sent with her and did not want to take part in the program. Okay, I'm not going to argue the mother's point as she may have some valid issues. However, the result of her stand left her daughter sitting there eating different snacks than the rest of her schoolmates and really made her feel centered out, all because the mother wanted to 'prove her point.' No matter that it was at the expense of her daughter.

Do these parents not realize taking these stands the effect it has on their children or is their need to as I said earlier..."be the boss" mean more to them.

The next time you take a stand at the expense of your child, just give it a lot of thought and think how it will affect them and then ask yourself, is it really worth it?

ONE ON ONE TIME

Nothing use to frustrate me more than to listen to my children whine. You know what I mean. The constant complaining, nothing was good enough, nothing was right... I use to wonder what was wrong? What was causing them to be so miserable and cranky? Were they tired? Did they have a bad day? What in the world did I do wrong now?

At some point I discovered something that helped. If I spent even 15 min. to 1/2 hour every day with each child, one on one, their mood changed dramatically. Give them some individual undivided attention. This made me realize that maybe all the whining and misbehaving had simply been a cry for attention. "Look at me. Listen to me."

We all get so busy in our day to day lives, especially if you are a working parent. The last thing you want when you walk in the door is to be bombarded by demands for attention. But trust me. If you take the time to give them that individual attention it will make the rest of the evening go much more smoothly and it creates a much more harmonious atmosphere. It also lets your child know that you are there to listen to them and it helps to foster communication that can continue into the tougher teen years.

Appreciation...a lost sentiment?

Okay this is partly about children and partly a vent...bear with me please.

I spent a rather interesting weekend with a friend's children. At times it is a real battle not to get disillusioned with children today. Sometimes we encounter children that no matter how hard or how much time and love parents put into raising them grow up to be self centered teens. I have to keep reminding myself that for all those self centered teens there are many genuine appreciative young adults. What makes these children, raised by average loving parents turn out to be so self centered. Well, look around us. On a daily basis I encounter adults that are so full of the 'me, me, me syndrome' that it's no wonder so many children grow up with that attitude. We have only to watch the news to see so many examples. People suing over the littlest thing, people with the attitude 'it's not my fault', people always looking for what they can get out of a situation regardless of how anyone else is affected. They are everywhere. We are living in a society of selfishness that is spreading like a cancer.

Despite this, I refuse to let myself get 'sucked' up into it. I may get a little discouraged, maybe even somewhat angry at times, but I refuse to let it get the best of me because then I will only become an angry bitter person too.

I live by the rule..'treat others as you would have them treat you'. When someone does me a diservice or treats me very unfairly as a friend did this weekend in cancelling for no reason a contract I was really counting on, my first reaction was anger. However, that anger soon grew to be more of a disappointment. Disappointment that this person I had trusted and been so good to would treat me that unfairly. Then the disappointment led to sadness. Sadness, that they let themselves become one of those self-centered people. And truly sad they they are so unhappy that they have to try and spread it. However, as often as I encounter those types of individuals the more determined I am not to let myself fall into that trap. If they only realized that they were only making themselves very unhappy in the long run. All that negativity, all that waste of negative energy is so draining when it would be so much simpler to face life optimistically. To treat people with respect and appreciation and then be the happy recipient of the same treatment back. It's never too late to turn over that leaf and decide to approach life in a more optimistic happy outlook. It would take years off their life.

This woman refuses to let someone elses negative attitude take them down too. For all those unhappy negative people I encounter I know there are many more out there that are truly appreciative and grateful for all they have and the loved ones they have in their lives.

This was a bit off topic and rambling....but hey, that's the way I am....:) Happy thoughts!

TOO TIRED TO BLOG

Wow it has been an exhausting few days. So no blogging for me tonight. I am all 'talked' out...stay tuned.

FIRST LOVE

Do you remember your first boyfriend/girlfriend? That feeling that they were the only one for you and that you would never love anyone else? I sure do. They were pretty intense feelings. Okay, it only lasted 4 months and when he broke up with me I cried for two days I think. It is now so funny to look back at it and at how silly the whole thing was. However, I am grown up now and have the life experience and maturity to look back and see it exactly for what it was.
Today though, as I helped a young friend struggle with his feelings with his first girlfriend, I had to remind myself that to him, these feelings were as serious as an adults. I couldn't make light of what he was going through or brush off the relationship by telling him, "Girlfriends come and go..." No, that would definately not have been a good way to handle it.
Sometimes, as adults and parents we tend not to take our children's experiences as serious as we should. Many of us have forgotten what it was like to be an adolescent, to struggle through the emotions without having the maturity to know how to handle it all. To them, the feelings are real and just as important in their world as our grown up feelings are in ours.
So all I could do was listen to him, share with him some of my own experiences in early relationships and encourage him to keep communicating to us his hurts and disappointments. Let him know that we were there for him whenever he needed to talk. I strongly believe that the most important thing we can offer our children is our constant love and respect. Let them know that no matter what, our love and support will always be there for them. Leave the door open for them to feel they can always come to us without us prejuding them.
They may make some bad choices along the way, they may stumble and fall, but we will always be there to help them back up to their feet and help point them in the right direction. Sometimes we have to make mistakes in life in order to learn and as long as we keeping learning in a positive way, as the kids always say to me then..'All is good.'

EACH CHILD IS UNIQUE

If you really want to get your child's attention the next time they complain..."How come she's allowed to do that and I'm not?" simply respond..."Because I love them more." Then stand back and watch the expression. I have used this so many times with mine. The expression is priceless but then we both start laughing as they realize...nah...she didn't meant that.
As parents we love all our children equally. However, if we are honest with ourselves we will admit that we love each child differently. What I mean by that is that all children are different, with different personalites and dispositions.
Take my own children for example. My eldest, my only daughter, and I have a special bond. Part of it is because she is my only girl so we can identify in ways the boys and I can't. We enjoy doing 'girly' things and having 'girlish' discussions.
There is a fine line between being a mother and a friend to your child but with my daughter we have managed the keep that balance. We love to take road trips together. We have this game we play. While in the car on one of our road trips, we are not mother and daughter and anything we say stays between us. Wow, some of the interesting conversations that have taken place! The things we've shared. I almost want to put my hands over my ears and say..."Too much info!" I can honestly say not only is she my daughter, she is also my best friend. She is now 24 and for the last year and half we have been sharing an apartment because we both needed roommates. Eventually we will have our own places, but for now, we are happy with our arrangement.
My eldest son, I consider my right hand man, my rock. He is so level headed and strong and he keeps me grounded. With him I can sit and talk politics, world events. Our conversations are always so interesting. He is also my protector, not that I feel I need one, but he seems to like the role.:) Yes, he is my rock and I am very proud of him.
My youngest son, well he was my rebel. He is/was also my 'partner in crime' and my buddy. When I wanted to do something adventurous or fun, he was the one I would take with me. His wit is unmatched by anyone and he and I could exchange barbs for hours! He is so much fun. Definately a free spirit.
So you see, although I love all my children equally, I do love them in different ways because they are each unique individuals and I wouldn't want it any other way.
Please share with me the uniqueness of your own children. I'd love to hear from you.

BEST ADVICE I'VE RECEIVED OR GIVEN

The best piece of advice I was ever given, and I truly wish I could recall who gave it to me, was...'Pick Your Battles.' Yes, that little bit of wisdom came in handy on many occasions and I truly think it was the reason my children were open to hearing what I had to say or to my opinions as they grew up.
I have a friend whom I spent a lot of time with throughout our children's youth and I remember how it seemed to me she was always arguing with her children. I'll give you an example. One day her daughter, then 10, was heading to a friends house and her mother asked her to go put on a hat since the weather was somewhat cool. Her daughter argued back that she didn't think she needed one nor did she want to wear one. My friends response was to keep arguing with her daughter to put the hat on as she wanted her to wear one. Her daughter put the dreaded hat on angrily and left in a huff. My reason for telling you about this incident? I noticed that every time my friend tried to tell her children something they would put up their hands and say..."Okay Mom, okay. I know." and proceed to tune her out. Does that sound familiar? My friend asked me what I would do. My honest advice to her was, yes you guessed it...'Pick your battles.'
Does it truly matter in the big picture whether she wore that hat or not? What was the worst that could happen? She might find herself a bit cold and maybe next time she will decide she needs a hat. No harm done. However, by arguing with her, she has left angry (in her opinion viewing her mom's reaction as bossy and treating her like a baby). Maybe my friend should have instead asked her daughter if she felt she needed a hat? Let her make the decision herself since it wasn't life threatening and spared the argument and angry feelings? I mean, it was just a hat after all. As I told my friend save your battles for bigger more important issues. If you argue with them every step of their lives they will start tuning you out. And teenagers are really good at that I have discovered!
In my opinion, in the big picture of life....who cares how many piercing they get or how they wear their hair? It doesn't change who they are and the more you let them know you don't like it, guaranteed it will make them cling longer to it. Save your battles for those nights when you think they are making poor choices such as, taking a ride home from someone that has been drinking. Maybe then, if they haven't been listening to you arguing with them all the time, they might actually stop and listen to you. More on that in another post.
Do you have an experience in the area to share? Would love to hear it.

TRIAL AND ERROR

This blog is not meant to insinuate that parenting is easy or that I have all the answers. That is definately not the case. I am just a middle aged mother of three grown children that has learned a lot during my years of raising them. Like most of life's experiences most of it was through trial and error. So if some of my trials and errors and the knowledge I have gained from them can help any parents out there today, then that is all I want.
My daughter, that is my oldest child once remarked after I had decided to let her younger brother stay out a bit later, "Mom, when I was his age I wasn't allowed to stay out that late." My response to her, while holding back a smile was, "Yes dear I realize that. But you were my test model." We both laughed.
However, it does have some truth to it. We do learn from each child different methods that work and some that don't. And then again, each child is uniquely different. I cannot say enough that raising children is trial and error, after all, isn't life about trial and error? You try something, it doesn't work...you try something else and you go on to learn from your mistakes.
Parenting is no different. We aren't perfect. Nor would we want to be. We are human and we make mistakes, but if we learn from them, then as the kids say, "All is good."
My daughter once told me that as she and her brother were walking down the hall at their highschool that they overhead two teachers talking. They were commenting on what nice respectful children they were. When she told me this my response was, "That must have made you feel really good." My daughters response to me.."It's you that should feel good about it Mom, after all you raised us." Now I ask, what better compliment can a mother get from her child than that?
I plan to add my own personal experiences and trial and errors to this blog on a fairly daily basis. I would love to hear some of your own experiences and mistakes you've learned from. Maybe we can all learn from each other?