NO TIME FOR PLAY

I have decided today that I must devote a good portion of my day to my artwork. That may involve turning off my computer and walking away....now that will be hard as I admit I am hooked at times on 'surfing' the net. However, to be fair to myself I do spend a lot of that time researching art and marketing.

I remember when we got our first computer which seems years ago. When my children reached their teens I learned about 'ICQ'....remember that program? My children got so tired of me telling them, "Be careful who you talk to and don't give out any private information...you never know who it might be."

As your kids get into their teen years it is so hard to monitor their activity on the computer and I for one believe in a certain amount of privacy, even for children. As a result I spent a lot of time guiding them and urging caution while still allowing them a certain amount of privacy.

For the most part though, they were mainly chatting with their local friends on MSN. At first it annoyed me and like most parents I would say...pick up the phone and call them. After awhile I realized that it was truly harmless the way they popped on to check what everyone was up to. I realized to them it was like a party line. Fridays, they would hop on and find out what everyone was up to on the weekend and plan outings. It actually really helped one of my children socially as they weren't the type to phone one on one.

Then came the day they introduced Mom to chatting. At first I was leary. Soon it became a useful tool as a lot of my children's friends added me to their list of contacts. It helped me to gain trust with my children and their friends and you wouldn't believe the information that came my way that really helped me down the road. Sometimes if I found one of my children seemed to be moody or withdrawn, one of their friends might fill me in on some incident at school that was bothering them. Of course, they never divulged truly personal information but just enough to help this mother out.

Often if something was bothering one of my children and they didn't feel up to a heart to heart they would confide in me through the internet, in the form of an email. Sometimes it is easier to share a problem when you aren't sitting there face to face. Recently I added myself to Facebook as this seems to be the most popular of sites for young people. It's also a great way to keep track of what your kids are up to!! For example, my youngest son away at college is terrible for keeping in touch with me. He just does not understand the worry parents always carry with them. So if a day goes by and I don't hear from him I pop on Facebook and see that he has been posting to his friends and I breath a sigh of relief that all is well with him and I resist the urge to "hound" him.

So I guess the internet has it's good points and bad. I was fortunate that my children went through the 'teen surfer years' without any serious incidents. As much as I prefer human interaction more I realize that the internet is here to stay and we might as well use it to our benefit.

....and as I started to say in the beginning of this post it is time to walk away from my computer and work on my art. I need to get this painting finished as it has been sitting on the easel far too long.

LIFE'S CHALLENGES

We all know the saying, "When life hands you lemons, make lemonade." If you think about it this is really a very good way to view life. I have tried to follow this principle throughout my adult life or actually I have drawn strength from the saying "God doesn't give you more than you can bear." Although not a very religious person I do consider myself spiritual and this has gotten me through many obstacles and rough spots in my life.

When my children were younger, starting with my firstborn at the age of 6 months, they experienced some serious health problems that required a lot of my time and a lot of travelling 6 hrs. to a major center (Hospital for Sick Kids) for treatment and follow up. Needless to say, being a working mother, at times pregnant battling my own health issues with Fibromyalgia and a sleep disorder, it was very exhausting and taxing. I remember a friend of mine going through a health crisis with one of her own and finding herself at her wits end asking me how I found the strength to keep it up and not let it get to me.



My story and advice to her was very simple to my way of thinking. I told her what got me through. "God doesn't give you more than you can bear," I told her. At times I would tell myself if these children had been born to someone else, someone that wasn't strong, maybe a single parent or a mother in an unhappy marriage what would the outcome have been? I rationalized to myself that these children, with their health problems were born to me because I was strong, loved children immensely and was capable of coping. So I had to be strong and I was thankful that I was given the personality or maybe the strength to cope with it all.

These children really needed me and I admit, I love to be needed so it came easy to me to help them through. They grew up into very strong individuals that have great coping skills of their own, never using their health issues or disabilities as a crutch but facing life head on and overcoming their own obstacles as best they can.

Maybe there was a purpose for them to go through the experiences they did and hopefully it will help them in their own lives and they will in turn...Pass it on. Raise children of their own that are strong and independent and able to see through life's obstacles and realize that by believing in themselves and their own abilities..."the only obstacles in life are the ones we put there ourselves."

That last quote is my own :) Do you have any sayings or quotes that help you get through? Would love to hear some of them.
Remember: Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.
Albert Einstein

EACH CHILD IS UNIQUE

If you really want to get your child's attention the next time they complain..."How come she's allowed to do that and I'm not?" simply respond..."Because I love them more." Then stand back and watch the expression. I have used this so many times with mine. The expression is priceless but then we both start laughing as they realize...nah...she didn't meant that.
As parents we love all our children equally. However, if we are honest with ourselves we will admit that we love each child differently. What I mean by that is that all children are different, with different personalites and dispositions.
Take my own children for example. My eldest, my only daughter, and I have a special bond. Part of it is because she is my only girl so we can identify in ways the boys and I can't. We enjoy doing 'girly' things and having 'girlish' discussions.
There is a fine line between being a mother and a friend to your child but with my daughter we have managed the keep that balance. We love to take road trips together. We have this game we play. While in the car on one of our road trips, we are not mother and daughter and anything we say stays between us. Wow, some of the interesting conversations that have taken place! The things we've shared. I almost want to put my hands over my ears and say..."Too much info!" I can honestly say not only is she my daughter, she is also my best friend. She is now 24 and for the last year and half we have been sharing an apartment because we both needed roommates. Eventually we will have our own places, but for now, we are happy with our arrangement.
My eldest son, I consider my right hand man, my rock. He is so level headed and strong and he keeps me grounded. With him I can sit and talk politics, world events. Our conversations are always so interesting. He is also my protector, not that I feel I need one, but he seems to like the role.:) Yes, he is my rock and I am very proud of him.
My youngest son, well he was my rebel. He is/was also my 'partner in crime' and my buddy. When I wanted to do something adventurous or fun, he was the one I would take with me. His wit is unmatched by anyone and he and I could exchange barbs for hours! He is so much fun. Definately a free spirit.
So you see, although I love all my children equally, I do love them in different ways because they are each unique individuals and I wouldn't want it any other way.
Please share with me the uniqueness of your own children. I'd love to hear from you.

TRIAL AND ERROR

This blog is not meant to insinuate that parenting is easy or that I have all the answers. That is definately not the case. I am just a middle aged mother of three grown children that has learned a lot during my years of raising them. Like most of life's experiences most of it was through trial and error. So if some of my trials and errors and the knowledge I have gained from them can help any parents out there today, then that is all I want.
My daughter, that is my oldest child once remarked after I had decided to let her younger brother stay out a bit later, "Mom, when I was his age I wasn't allowed to stay out that late." My response to her, while holding back a smile was, "Yes dear I realize that. But you were my test model." We both laughed.
However, it does have some truth to it. We do learn from each child different methods that work and some that don't. And then again, each child is uniquely different. I cannot say enough that raising children is trial and error, after all, isn't life about trial and error? You try something, it doesn't work...you try something else and you go on to learn from your mistakes.
Parenting is no different. We aren't perfect. Nor would we want to be. We are human and we make mistakes, but if we learn from them, then as the kids say, "All is good."
My daughter once told me that as she and her brother were walking down the hall at their highschool that they overhead two teachers talking. They were commenting on what nice respectful children they were. When she told me this my response was, "That must have made you feel really good." My daughters response to me.."It's you that should feel good about it Mom, after all you raised us." Now I ask, what better compliment can a mother get from her child than that?
I plan to add my own personal experiences and trial and errors to this blog on a fairly daily basis. I would love to hear some of your own experiences and mistakes you've learned from. Maybe we can all learn from each other?